Brian's Dick of the Week. Week 1 8/31/2010

My choice for dick of the week for the first week was easy. It goes to Jake Sander of Francis Howell Central. This week Jake has punched a kid in the face, made fun of people, and while in the bathroom splashed a hand full of water on one of his friends that was peeing. Congratulations Jake for being the winner of my first Dick of the Week.

signs

Last Sunday while on my way to church I saw the impossible. I saw a bicycler on the sidewalk, yes I said on the sidewalk. You've all seen the dudes with the really tight spandex riding them really small bikes in the middle of the road slowing down traffic. Yeah well this must have been either a guy who's new to biking, or its a sign of the Apocalypse. I would like to think that it was a sign of the Apocalypse and that this guy was trying to repent for his past sins, or while riding in the past some one had thrown something at him, something I've always wanted to do. But this one guy has given me faith in humanity. Thank you sidewalk bicycler.

Master Chef... yeah you already know

BAZINGA

This is where I get Bazzinga from.

"The Angles": A way for ugly girls to disappoint guys even more

OK. As promised, i am getting into the topic of "the angles". For those of you who don't know what this is, its those pictures that ugly girls take to make them selves look attractive. It is usually everything but a full body shot. Its kind of like a hook at the beginning of a story. These girls make "the angles" photo their profile picture and then friend request every one. Then once you add them, its the rope-a-dope to the seventh gate of hell. Most of you know what I'm talking about right? I hope so. This can be related to playing poker. If you cant pick out the sucker, then its probably you. A hypothesis that changes perspective on a lot of circumstances. But getting back to the subject, those "angles" girls are whores to all of society's expectations! Its seriously gotten to the point that even self taken photos, that which should be evidence, is nothing but a lie! Photos are deceiving today. What next? Ive got a two-way announcement: 1. For the guys, no one can be trusted! Especially women. Make sure you know what you're getting your self into. 2. For these girls, just be your natural ugly self. Even if you think you're ugly you might not be so just be yourself and find out who really excepts you for who you are.

STOP THE MADNESS! OR THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!

Coming Tomorrow...

First off, comming. i just think that word is funny in any sense. the topic of 'the angles' will be covered tomorrow. basically a reminder for myself to get in to it. hint: lots of ugly girls use them on myspace and facebook.

Public service announcement

i just thought that this was important. its more for the ladies so that they can be educated about men and their needs/ wants. any girl out there who cant decide on what to get their boyfriend or what ever for some kind of special occasion, MEN LIKE SWEAT PANTS. not just any sweat pants though. we want sweat pants that, not only feel good as far as the fabric goes, but are also too big. something about being in too big of clothes makes us feel naked, and no matter who it is, they would rather walk around there house naked. this is the easiest solution to being naked with out actually being nude in public. however, as far as wiggers and most black people go, i have no idea why they insist on sagging their pants to the point that if their boxers weren't in the way, they would be spreading pink eye all the more rapid. which also brings me to my second public service announcement, PULL UP YOUR DAMN PANTS! i mean seriously who are you trying to impress? it makes everyone even more angry when the short pasty kids do this because if they keep smoking and doing what ever else they do living in these dangerous streets of St. Charles, that's as tall as they're going to get. the sideways hat is pretty self explanatory. all you people out there who fall into this category, i would just like to say YOU ARE A RETARD! thank you for five minutes of your life, or half an hour if you are one of these slow kids mentioned above. Bazzinga.

why jjj is dumb

well first off if you don't know what JJJ is go to this link http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=118870701496675&ref=ts. Yeah its three kids who are best friends, and they made a group on Facebook stating how they think there awesome... that's gay. whats even gayer is when I made an anti-JJJ group they reported it, and consequently it got deleted by Facebook staff. Now whats funny is these kids are advertising how there "super chill" and "bro" and yesterday one of the "J's", more specifically Jake sanders, punched a kid in the face because he was making out with his ex-girlfriend. Completely unprovoked. Also JJJ is a cult, and i have prof.

And even better is they said they were building any army

for those of you who can't read that, it says "triple j is going to form an military".
This is why JJJ is retarded and if you joined there "group" your no better than a piece of shit for which the world has no use for.

Fedex

I hate you.

Bears on Unicycles: No laughing matter

So I was in Russia yesterday and I saw a bear. He claimed his name to be Boris. I said," Where's your unicycle?". He looked at me and let out a low roar. Then he said," Just because I'm a bear in Russia doesn't mean i need a unicycle". I then stated," Are you retarded? Five sixths of Russia's population is bears on unicycles". He then followed by mauling me. Which brings me to my next point. SHUT UP! But seriously, fighting a bear with your 'bear' hands is no luau. Especially since your opponent really does have bear hands. And to make your self egotistical to the point that you think you can fight a bear that has WMD's is ridiculous. But i digress. I was also thinking when the bear mauled me, how ironic would it be to confront this wild animal about my second amendment right to his arms. I also pondered whether Sydney Swanson would go to prom with me or not. But that was a totally unrelated subject to the topic of my face being eatin' off by this 'circus' bear. After losing lots of blood and dignity, i figured that it was ok because this bear is a bully that is going nowhere in life. And i will because I'm bodacious sauce. I was another normal day in the soviet.. i mean Russia.